College is a place that will broaden my mind, open me up to new experiences, and ensure a brighter, hopefully much richer future.
OR SO I’M TOLD. But right now, all I keep thinking about is my problems with college.
Walking to my first class on a cool August morning, I was surrounded by high buildings, construction workers, squirrel’s running around to and from trees, never-ending stairs, and dazzling tall trees. It then struck me how beautiful our campus is.
Then you walk in a building…
Now all you see is flickering lights that need to be changed, smelly students sweating as they pass by because the air conditioning is not working well, clocks that don’t work and classrooms that look like you just stepped into the year 1950. Our campus is stunning from the outside, but once you walk inside, it’s a whole other world.
The truth is Western Kentucky University has been around since 1907. It’s understandable that the buildings are old and that is very much so a public school. However, that does not mean that the school cannot afford new chairs or keep the air conditioning working or change the batteries in the clocks.
Another problem I have with my college is my Professors. About half of them I like, the other half act like it’s a chore to come to work and teach. My math Professor can’t even do her own math problems that she puts on the board and acts like a fifteen year old school girl with a crush any time a cute boy asks a question. She giggles and smiles really big. Yes I understand that she is young and that this is her first year teaching, but I cross the line when I have to tell her she did a problem wrong on the board every time I have class.
My third problem at my campus is that the students do not have enough parking spaces. I have 8 am classes this semester and in order for me to find a parking space anywhere; I have to be ready to leave my apartment by 7:10 the latest. During the first week of classes I watched two adults fight over a parking space when a man in a white pickup truck raced to steal a spot from a woman that was taking her sweet time to park. The two idiots jumped out of their cars, got in each other’s faces and started yelling and calling each other names. Finally the man got back in his truck and drove off. I laughed and kept walking.
And last but not least, my number one issue with college is that there is never enough time to do everything. I’m a full time student and am taking 16 hours this semester which means I am in class from 8 am through 2 pm Monday through Friday. After class, I might have an hour to eat and get ready and then go to work until 10 or 11 o’clock at night. This work schedule varies sometimes depending on how much work we have. Also, we have floor sets almost every Monday night that can go as late as 2 or 3 o’clock in the morning.
Why do I work so much you ask? I don’t have a choice. I’m putting myself through school while helping my mom pay bills. This hectic schedule leaves me little time to do my homework, leaving me no choice but to do homework on breaks in between classes, 15-30 minute work breaks and after I get home from work. My busy schedule hinders my sleep in order to get everything done. Also, my eating habits are very unhealthy. Most of the time I am forced to resort to fast food, microwaveable meals and eating a lot of packed sandwiches from home.
In conclusion, let’s fix our air conditioning and our clocks, not hire stupid Professors, and maybe open more parking lots. Unfortunately my issue about not having enough time to do everything will persist, but not everything can be fixed anyway so that’s ok with me.
By Dalila Begic
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Thesis: My issues with college.
ReplyDeleteReasons: 1. Beautiful campus, but old classrooms.
2. Bad professors.
3. Not enough parking spaces.
4. Not enough time to do everything.
By Dalila Begic
I like the points you make... Definately true on not enough parking.
ReplyDeleteOnly real problem is maybe that some would argue that not having enough time to do everything because of work is really not a good argument, because a lot of people think that school should be your entire focus while you're there
By: Anthony Falcone
I think It's written well and I can definately relate to most of what you have written.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I can think about for revision is that maybe some people dont really mind the same problems you do.I haven't had a problem with parking and I get here at 8:10.
The introduction is particularly effective. I like the way your first two sentences seem relatively straightforward, and then you say, "OR SO I’M TOLD." In fact, you might let that line be in a paragraph all by itself.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, I didn't think the next transition--"then you walk into a building" was as seamless as the first and would recommend saying something more like "and then I walked into _________" and name the building you walked into. This also gets rid of your point of view problem in those sentences: you're shifting from first to second person. In fact, you need to pick which point of view--first or second--you want to use throughout your post because you go back and forth between them right now.
I do think that the topic sentence in the paragraph after that--"Our campus is stunning from the outside, but once you walk inside, it’s a whole other world."--is very well done and clear.
But then, oddly, your essay goes in a totally different direction after that. Rather than listing all the ways that the inside is not as nice as the outside, you list EVERYthing you don't like about college. And though you organize your thoughts well, your essay feels, in this way, more like a giant rambling rant than a more focused one. And that's why what you think your thesis is—"my issues with college"—isn't a thesis at all. It's simply a topic. Remember that a thesis is a statement of your position on an issue, and "my issues with college" is clearly not a position statement. A position statement would be something more like "WKU should spend more of their resources improving the interior of the buildings on campus" or "professors should know the material they are teaching before they're allowed in the classroom."
As a result, I would recommend that you only pick ONE of these things you don't like about college, list all the reasons why you don't like that one thing (and offer examples), and then propose changing just that one thing. It would be easiest to stick with the way the buildings look because then you wouldn't have to entirely re-write your introduction, but it's up to you.