WARNING: The following is highly inflammatory and will offend you... if you are from Kentucky that is.
Imagine if you were forced to move from the United States to Russia. You had no choice in the matter and you wouldn’t see your friends ever again. You’d feel terrible and lonely and you’d be pissed off at your parents for forcing this change on you.
That’s how I felt when I moved from California to Kentucky.
I had to leave what I had called home for most of my life. The only image I had of Kentucky was that of hillbillies, rednecks, and Confederate flag waving Ku Klux Klan members.
After living in Kentucky for almost four years, I can say that Kentucky’s lifestyle and culture is terrible. There are so many things wrong with this state that it is almost impossible to list every fucking thing. While the hillbilly, redneck, KKK member image didn’t turn out to be (completely) true the state is still messed up. Kentucky is terrible compared to California for six reasons (actually, I have more than six but these are the first that come to mind.)
1. I have never seen as many churches in one city as I have in Louisville, Kentucky. These aren’t just small, simple ones either. The majority are huge, ornate mothers that are one step down from those scary mega churches that have crazy shit like gyms, restaurants, and gift stores in them. Don’t get me wrong, there were big churches in California, but not like these. Seeing the churches in the Ville, it seems like they all had a contest to see who could make the biggest, most ridiculous house of worship possible.
2. Everyone talks about Southern hospitality and how nice everyone is in the South. Based on my experiences I say this is false. People seem to be bigger assholes in the South than in California. People in California seemed to care more about each other than people do in Kentucky. You wouldn’t have to worry about little differences (like religion) when talking with someone. And people treated immigrants better in Cali than they do in KY. I don’t know where the idea of Californians being dicks and Southerners being nice came from but we need to switch those two ASAP. At least when it comes to Kentucky. For all I know, people in other Southern states could be the nicest people around.
3. The American education system is fucked. We all know this, although some like to make believe it isn’t, but I didn’t find out till I moved to Kentucky. Now, I’m not saying that Kentucky’s school system is the worst (that honor would obviously go to West Virginia) but I have never been as confused about school objectives as I was when I was in the Kentucky school system. What the fuck is a writing portfolio and why should I care? My mom told me those were phased out in California around when I was born. Let me ask this as well: Why does the Kentucky school system wait until the 9th grade before it requires students to read To Kill A Mockingbird? I read that in the 7th fucking grade. Another thing is, what is wrong with the literacy level of the kids in this state? Even the simplest of words are mispronounced. My classmates always fucked up words that should be known by the 12th grade. In CA, we were taught to analyze words and find out how they were said. Apparently that isn’t taught in KY. Oh, and the CATS test? The less said about that travesty, the better.
4. Everyone in the country has an iPod or some other MP3 player now, but back in ’04 not a lot of people had them. When my family moved to Louisville, everyone had them and if you didn’t have one, you weren’t cool. Materialism is all over America (hell, it’s all over the world,) but it is heavier in Kentucky than in California. Whenever a hot, new product comes out everyone has to have it: the Xbox 360, the Wii, the iPhone... you name it, they have to have it. Teenagers are the main culprits of this materialism and they rarely seem to get the stuff with their own money. People in California didn’t judge you based on what you had. There was no snickering if you didn’t have the latest “hot” thing. Plus, teenagers bought stuff with their own hard-earned money in CA.
5. This one irritates me the most: U of L vs. UK. I really don’t care which one is better. Sure, there were college rivalries in California but people never talked about them as much as they do in Kentucky. I mean god damn, who really gives a shit?
6. Oh, and another thing: no one actually cares about the Kentucky Derby, so stop making a big deal over it. Celebrities only come to be seen and get the hell out of Kentucky when the main race is over.
The majority of my reasons come from living in Louisville. I have been to other cities in Kentucky though, and they are just as bad as Louisville. Lexington, Frankfort, London: all terrible. Overall I have to say that Kentucky is far too different for me to like. I know accepting differences is expected and it is un-PC not to, but when the culture is as vile as it is in Kentucky I have to refrain from doing that.
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Thesis: Why Kentucky's culture is not as good as California's.
ReplyDeleteReasons: Ridiculous churches, the myth of Southern hospitality, the school system, materialism, and ridiculous sports obsessions.
By Noah Frederick
What's working: I can really tell how strong your hatred is for Kentucky. You really made that point clear. Also, you have a great "writing voice." Your thesis and reasons were very clear also. Even though I didn't agree with what you are writing about, I acutally enjoyed reading it. It really entertained me.
ReplyDeleteSuggestions for revision: Some of your words were a little academic. Since I haven't really heard you talk, you might actually speak like that in real life. But, I'd make it a little more down to earth.
The comment right above this one was from Kelsey Johnson:) sorry!
ReplyDeleteWow! I like the fact that you expressed exactly how you felt and that you didn't hold back. I can feel what you're saying in a way, and I can also relate since I'm not from here either. I don't completely agree with you, but I like it.
ReplyDeleteI saw very little that I would change. I'm not sure how you speak, but there's very little slang. If that's how you talk then it's great! If you use more slang put some in there.
by Kimi Wagner
So your thesis is basically that Kentucky bites? And then your numbered list are the reasons why you think so? I think the biggest thing you need to work on here is making your thesis clear--in this case, in both the introduction and the conclusion--in order to make the very entertaining list you have here more effective. Right now, before the list, you write that "Here are some differences I have observed," and that doesn't really sound like you're about to list the reasons to support your thesis. In fact, it makes your reasons sound more like observations.
ReplyDelete(You say in your comments that your thesis is that SD is better than KY, but except for the church paragraph, you don't really talk enough about how SD is better, so I recommend re-framing your thesis to fit the content of what you've written.)
The UK/U of L reason should be separated from the Derby reason since they're not directly related. (Also, in your academic version of this essay, you might consider discussing WHY people in KY are so concerned with iPods and college rivalries.)
Your commenters are right, too, that your passion and voice are mostly outstanding. I do think you need to spend some serious time polishing this piece. It feels a little rushed--and has a few too many errors right now.
Shouldn't your title be "Louis Vile"?